I recently changed from one “digital filing cabinet” app to another, so I thought it was time for a good purge of unneeded files. Interestingly, I found several articles I had tucked away that spoke to a subject that I think about often these days: Self-preservation vs. self-sacrifice.
Not that any of the articles put the debate in those terms. Instead, I found the same ideas over and over again in articles about the overarching subject in my life under which these two things war.
I am an introvert.
It took me a long time to realize this, and all that it means. The book Quiet by Susan Cain helped me a ton. But it’s one thing to have a label for yourself and your personality (whether introvert/extrovert, an Enneagram number, or another label) and another to wrestle with what that means under the biggest, most important aspect of life—that of surrendering myself to God.
We know that God often calls us to uncomfortable places, to places that spotlight our weakness and His strength. But He also created each of us to be unique, with our own gifts and bent and ways of relating to people and the world.
It’s been good for me to have the self-awareness to know that too many “people” days in a row deplete my energy—physical and mental. It’s good for me to know that alone time recharges me. But honestly? I would rather sit in the place of self-preservation—the place where I recharge—than spend myself for others.
However, that is not what God has called me to do. He has called me to love—my husband, my children, my grandchildren. My parents and siblings, nieces, nephews, and great-nephews. My church family. My friends. And my enemies. And loving them requires interacting with them, doing for them. It requires sacrificing my comfortable, happy place (alone) to obey the Lord’s law of love.
I confess, I don’t always do this well, but I’m trying. I’m learning. I’m working at trusting God with my energy—with how many “people” days I can handle—and with my rest—those pockets of alone time I need to recharge. And no matter how uncomfortable my schedule becomes, I’ve found Him to be faithful. He upholds me when I want to retreat from people. And He helps me emerge from retreat when He deems it necessary to reengage.
But it isn’t just trusting God with the push and pull of awareness and sacrifice. It’s trusting God with the in-between. Because in those moments when I’m rested yet alone, I find new bursts of creativity, new energy to engage with the world around me through writing or conversation.
I’m so glad we serve a God who completely understands each one of us.
How do you balance your personality traits with God’s call to sacrificial love and living?